missing grandma

Today while at the doctors office Jackson out of know where said  "I really can't wait to go see great grandma, but I will have to wait 92 years".  Brady then  said " how much longer until I see her? "  Jackson replied " You have to wait 95 years".  Without a thought  Brady put his hand on Jackson's shoulder and said "That's a long time my friend".  I am so thankful to have these boys around me.  I am constantly reminded of their love for great grandma and also reminded that God gives us the grace and power to move on.    

   There has been a void in our hearts and a pain that I am still dealing with.  Grandma has been there for our family from the very beginning.  She moved in with Grandma Mike a month before our wedding and was a  constant part of our lives.  It just seemed she would always be here.  I guess that is why the shock of  how fast she left is still so  hard to get over.

   When she went into the rehab hospital we all thought it would only be for a few days or maybe a week.  We soon learned it would be much longer.  I am thankful for my time sitting with her at the hospital.  Sometimes Brady and I would go to the gym room with her and cheer her on and other days I would sit with her and just talk.  I think it helped me just as much as it did her.

     When she moved to the hospital for what would be her final days, God used her to witness to us as well as so many others.  We all knew she wanted to go to heaven more then any other place, we just never knew we would witness God taking her.  

   I struggle with the ache and emptiness I still have in my heart.  She had a huge impact on my life both as a grandmother and a friend.   We both shared a passion for cooking, Christmas, family, going out to lunch, shopping, but more then that our values were the same.    She influenced me and I pray it continues to show in our home as well as the way I treat others.   One of the things I miss most is the way she made me feel.    No matter how I felt I looked when I came by the house, she would tell me I looked pretty.  She would comment on my hair or a simple baseball mom t- shirt I was wearing.  I didn't have to look a certain way, she excepted me for exactly who I was and I knew that.  She told me what a good wife and mom I was.  I knew she was one of my biggest fans.  I miss the words of encouragement.  I know she is still sending them down to me, but I desperately miss hearing her voice speak them and the little laugh that came behind that sweet smile.   As I write this I feel her with me right now.  She is telling me this is what family does.  This is what women/moms  need to do for each other.  We tell our husbands and our kids how much we appreciate them and how good they are at different things, but do we tell each other?  I promise to do this to grandma.

     I feel she is with me everyday and I know Jeff and the boys do to.  We talk about her everyday and remind each other of the stories of her love for us all.  We love and miss you grandma, the whole world and back again.